Author's Note: Danke to all those who helped me battle my
writer's block at least this much! THANK YOU! It feels good to at least finish
one story. I think this is the first I've finished in several months. PLUS,
this is the first story I've done like this in first character! Go me! And I'm
sorry if the title doesn't REALLY fit the story, I'm a loser.
Rating: Gish to PGish (never good at this rating thing.)
Legalities: All characters are property of DC Comics and
their respective owners.
Rules to the Game By: Carmen (Kara) Wayne
She does this
every night. When she thinks she's alone, when she thinks everyone is busy
doing what their lives call for, she takes the time to reminisce. Be it looking
at pictures of years past, or playing with the arms of her little Batgirl doll,
that is how it usually goes.
Tonight is no
different. She's just signed off with the Black Canary, who decided it best for
herself to take a nap while on a plane ride to God-knows-where. Beforehand, the
conversation was rather blatant.
"My legs
are so sore," Canary muttered, voice coming out of the speakers in a hum
around Barbara.
"Then
maybe you should try less talking which leads to more fighting than necessary,
Dinah. And for God's sake, do you always have to keep kicking men between the
legs?"
"There
is no statute of limitations on what injury I'm allowed to inflict when they've
got a gun, Madam Prophet."
"Punch
them in the nose, Dinah, punch them in the *nose*."
"Oh please. You get up and go out there
and see what you do."
This caused
Barbara to produce a light snort into her microphone.
"'Get up
and go out there', Dinah?"
The tone that
followed was quiet, now aware of what, precisely, she said.
"Metaphorically speaking, of course."
"Of
course," Barbara resigned, leaning an elbow on the armrest of her chair
and setting her chin in the palm.
"Look,
uh, golly-gee, am I tired! I'm turning in now, you know, five more hours to
Beijing and this in-flight movie really bites some serious-"
"Ah-ha,
no cussing in front of Superman," Barbara said, waving a Superman action
figure around as if the Canary could see.
"Heh,
sorry. goodnight, Barb."
"Goodnight, Dinah."
Canary
unintentionally hit a nerve. A lot of people seem to do that to Barbara. They
don't mean to, and she knows that, but it's the little comments that sometimes
hit the worst. The last thing she wants is sympathy or to be treated incapacitated
for her disability. And she knows that no one really does-no one except for
herself. The abuse she gives herself in seclusion makes it incredibly difficult
for her to move on and to grow.
She sat in
the dark afterwards, lights from her screensavers her only way to see, playing
with the small little Batgirl doll she owned-a small reminder of what she once
was. Many thoughts probably ran through her head. Maybe it was the memories of
cool nights, swinging over rooftops with Robin the Boy Wonder at her side,
making quip after quip in an attempt to win her heart. Perhaps the knowledge
that in reality, while many criminals tried to harm her in her day, they
respected her as well became present. She still remembered that from when
Harley Quinn posed as the original Batgirl and went on a tirade of chaos across
Gotham.
Or maybe,
just maybe, the thought that she had touched true greatness through that
costume, that outlet, and because of one fateful night and one bullet, she
never again would taste that feeling of superiority as it were that the suit,
and her title, provided over the commonplace citizen.
Night after
night I wonder to myself why she allowed me to take on her name, even if the
costume wasn't the same. I was a girl with no words, no thought, and yet she
endowed me with a trust so unfamiliar yet so welcome. At times, I feel that's
all that's driving me forward-the knowledge that she entrusted me with this,
and that I must keep her faith strong, for any failure will cause her confidence
to snap like a weakened thread.
As I came out
of the back rooms, I decided it best to give her time to cover her emotions. I
flipped the switch of the lights in the room up and they flashed on. Barbara
quickly wiped her eyes and placed her doll back atop her computer screen.
"Playing
with toys?" I joked, smiling just faintly.
Barbara let a
small laugh escape her lips.
"Oh,
hush up, you'd do it too. I bet you you do, when I'm asleep. Sneak in here and
play model-show."
"Riiight," I replied, humored. I swung my cowl around my index
finger as I watched her. "I'm going out tonight."
With that,
she turned to me and turned completely professional.
"Are you
going to be with anyone?" she asked.
"Spoiler," I replied.
My internal
thoughts may be incredibly literate, but my mouth has yet to catch up. So sue
me.
"Spoiler.?" Barbara asked, crinkling her nose in faint
disapproval.
"She
needs to be watched," I said in defense of my actions.
"I see.
Is *he* making you watch her?"
"No. I
am."
"Well,
you be careful, okay?" she asked.
I nodded and
slipped the cowl on in a fluid motion. As I went for the window, I noticed her
shoulders rise and then slink down, as if to the movement of a sigh, and she
turned from viewing me. I just continued out like I had better things to do,
into the cool June night.
Spoiler is an
admirable girl, I must admit. I let her handle a couple of muggers on her very
own, and she did so, only nearly getting hit twice. Which was an improvement
from the week before, when she did get hit twice. She showed me that she still
had the bruises at the beginning of out meeting.
At one point,
we were on the prowl of a sexual offender that had been spotted in Robinson
Park. While I watched the park carefully, Spoiler watched any passing women
below our perch on a building near the park, just in case. It was a quiet half
hour, with the occasional intake of air she would make, as if she wanted to say
something, and then the sharp outtake as she changed her mind. Finally, around
12:30 AM, she decided to say what was on her mind.
"So.
can. I ask you something? To a superhero that's in the loop, from one that's.
not?" she asked.
"Go
ahead," I replied shortly.
"Well.
what're the rules of the game?" she asked. When I looked at her with a
cowl-shifting raised eyebrow, she went to sit on the building edge from her
perch-stance and watched me. "I mean. superhero etiquette. How you behave
between each other, how you act in awkward situations."
I continued
to stare at her, eyebrow quirked because I had no idea why she was asking that.
She let out a long sigh.
"Robin.
he always gets upset when I do things around certain heroes, so there's
obviously got to be some sort of. code, right? A set of rules to the game of
handling one another."
I too sat on
the rooftop at this and let my eyes set out on the entrance to the park. As I
thought about her question, I began to think about Barbara, Dinah, Robin and
the others.
"Never
talk more than they will allow," I said. "Robin allows you to talk.
Robin will talk back. Batman prefers silence. Oracle will talk when need
to." I internally wondered if my slip there was bad for grammar or good
for missing her gender. "Canary. banters. Nightwing too. And only talk in
ways that make them feel comfortable. they will do the same. It works, believe
me."
"I guess
talking in too much in some cases annoys them, huh?"
"Yes.
most of it is really common sense. There is only really one thing you should
remember."
"And
what's that?"
"Hang on."
A woman,
jogging out of the park, yet about thirty feet from the gates, caught my eye.
for the fact that a man was slinking after her in the shadows, clutching an
object in his hand. He was wrapped tight in a trench coat.
"I think
that's our baddie," Spoiler said, I believe trying to keep what I said in
mind.
I nodded and
launched out a grappling hook to a light post. Knowing Spoiler would be close
behind, I leapt off the edge and let the cord retract so I could make a clear
arch under and around the post to time it just right, and get between the
jogger and the man. That was simple enough. A twist of the legs here, a pivot
of my hips there, and I was over her and in front of him in no time.
The man
wasn't much. I could see why someone like the tiny lady jogger would have a
hard time with him, he was probably about Nightwing's size. But nothing,
really. In his hand, he clutched a pipe. Imagine his surprise when I landed
there. I could hear Spoiler making a not so light landing behind me as a cuss
word flew out and she crashed on her knees. Amateur.
"What in
the Hell--?!" he yelled in alarm.
Why must they
always yell that? Utterly annoying. A spin, a kick up into his jaw, and he was
down.
Of course,
the amateur had to ruin it all. When she hit, she tripped the jogger,
unbeknownst to me, and ended up getting kicked in the stomach by the defensive
woman. So the jogger knew how to defend herself after all. As I went to help
her up, I also misjudged the man. He took the hit better than expected and was
on his feet and running. Disturbingly enough, my mistake not only sent him
running, but sent his trench coat flying, giving me a preview of jiggling butt
muscles and a flapping piece of man- body I had no desire of seeing on anyone.
except for maybe Superboy. Shh.
I got to
running after him, and I could hear Spoiler behind me. I give her that much due
credit-the girl is in great shape. She's a sweet one too, I'll give her that as
well, and we have somewhat similar backgrounds as far as home goes. But where
my "father" abused me to teach me to be strong, hers did just.
because he could.
Spoiler was
laughing a bit behind me at the spectacle of us chasing this naked loony down through
Robinson Park. Thankfully, it was nighttime. Anyone that saw this deserved it.
They shouldn't be out in the park at this time of night anyway. Don't these
people have homes to go to?
At one point,
he tried to make a fast turn and cut into shrubbery, but he had forgotten about
the earlier day's rains and the rubber, but slick souls on his shoes didn't
have the traction of our boots. His feet slipped out from under him and he
crash-landed back first into the paved walkway. I went to get his hands tied
and for God's sake his trench coat shut, while the amateur laughed her head
off.
"Aw man,
this is great. He's trying to be, like, Trench Coat Man or something! Ha!"
I stood and
looked at her after fastening the man's arms behind his back and his face under
my boot.
"Hero to
Villain rule number one. Never laugh at the small time ones. They are the ones
to come back worse than Joker."
That turned
her quiet while she thought about that. Fine by me, of course, I wanted to get
this grungy man away. He smelled after a smell that Canary had once so
delicately called 'Poo-Poo Sniff Icky'. I never knew what 'Poo-Poo Sniff Icky'
smelled like, and that even left our lovely Oracle confused. But now I'm sure
Barbara would love to learn I have discovered a smell to match the term. I'm
serious. A skunk could have sprayed him and he could have rolled around in
rotting fish and smelled better.
It was no
time at all to lug him to a local horseback officer, who's horse even objected
to the criminal cargo. But I was able to rejoin with Spoiler, who was sitting
in a tree, staring into space, mask lifted up to her brow.
"You
shouldn't do that," I commented.
She looked at
me, blinking.
"Do
what?"
"Your mask.
Never out here."
"Huh-oh!" She quickly pulled it down over her face and gave
off a sheepish laugh. "Sorry. So, uhm. Batgirl." She slid out of the
tree next to me. "What was that one rule you said that. was most
important?"
I had to smile
faintly. There was hope for her, if she was really willing to listen to
anything I had to say. But then I began to think of a good, coherent way to say
it. That's when my mind trailed back to Barbara, and her sorrow as she gently
played with her little Batgirl doll. The tears she let fall in the shadows. The
pain she tried to hide, yet I saw all too well. Slowly, I brought my cape over
my shoulders to curtain my entire body.
"Let.
comrades believe they have secrets. even if you know."
".what?"
"If.
your partner believes they know something you don't. If they believe they have
success-full-y hidden. their identity or their pain. humor them."
"Humor
them?" she asked as if she were a seven-year-old learning about the truth
of Santa Claus.
I gave her a
nod. I continued, speaking slowly so I could speak properly.
"One
finds security. in one's secrets. submit to that. Even if you see someone you
care for deeply. hurting, you must not say a thing. Secrets are our true safe
place. If you run around. telling people you know who they are behind their
masks. whether it be real masks, or masks of. emotion. they become violated.
Humor them. let them believe they have one up from you. think of how you would
feel in the situation. Even. if it kills you to see them hurting. or locked in
their little bubble. let them. They will come to you. should the need arise.
and anyway, the moment they know someone knows a deep secret of theirs, they
will be so busy. defending from you because it was without. permission, they
will change. Very few times. are these masks self-destructive."
I thought
about my own words for the rest of the night, oddly enough.
When I got
back to the Clocktower, I found Barbara asleep on her keyboard. This wasn't
exactly a rare occurrence; there were times she'd work herself for two, three
days at a time. I simply went and got her blanket from her bedroom and brought
it out to cover her. I lifted her head just a bit to move the keyboard and slide
a bid of blanket in its place. She must have really crashed, because she didn't
stir a bit. After I finished this, I gently brushed hair from her cheek and let
out a faint sigh.
We can all see how badly she's hurting. And there are some of us that can see other secrets in her heart that she has never said a word about. But that's a rule of the game-let them have their shield of secrets. Everyone has their secrets and everyone needs them to feel like they have some sort of unique quality to this world. Some don't feel it as that as much as a way to convince others, and themselves, that they are stronger or weaker, or better or worse than their true selves. That is why I humor poor Barbara. that is why I let her cry every night without comforting her. That is her time to let her secrets out to everyone she wishes to know-herself.